Enriching Your Relationships
Description: In this episode, Melissa and Maribeth (from ADD Professionals) discuss ADHD's effect on marital relationships and offer strategies for success.
Today we are going to visit the topic of marriage and ADHD.
ADHD relationships face the same struggles as every other relationship, just more so! It’s about balance & fairness & making sure that both partners get their needs met.
We are not going to spend time on the negative patterns; but instead, focus on key elements of creating success! And YES, there are great ADD marriages!!
Learn together about ADD: It is a great idea for both partners to learn about ADHD symptoms and how it affects marriages. Knowledge leads to understanding, accepting and working with each other.
Have a sense of humor: This one is huge!! Stuff happens! I had one client that went in to buy some dog food and came home with a horse!! To make a long story short, the spouse went with it and they created a wonderful family tradition!
Set some ground rules: No nagging, no disregarding of others’ concerns. Be sure to schedule specific times to focus on each other in loving ways.
Praise freely: Stuff happens – life is not fair - look for the good! It takes 3 positive comments to make up for a negative one.
Speak so they understand: Both partners DO NOT perceive the world the same way. Structure your communications around this idea and make no assumptions for your spouse.
Seek professional help: Sometimes it is helpful to reach out to a coach or counselor who understands ADD and relationships.
Be willing to reinvent your relationship: We all are constantly changing and it is ok to continue to reinvent your relationships to keep it fresh.
Try not to look back: It is too temping to blame someone for the past. The past does not matter as much as the future.
Identify harmful patterns: and roles as they happen in the present. Then create a healthy plan to change them and move forward.
Remember why you love them: Identify, again and again what you love about each other. “I love your energy and enthusiasm.”
Identify and reinforce each persons’ strengths: There are always more strengths than weaknesses. if you focus on these, between the two of you, you can do anything!
Outlaw negative statements: Set a rule that you aren’t allowed to use negative words such as: “you never do”, “it won’t work”, “you’re dumb”, “you should try harder”, “you can’t” etc.
Learn to Give what you want to receive & become what you want to attract. Ex: if you want courtesy, respect, attention, affection and communication… give and show those traits!!
Look for Progress, Not Perfection: Work as a team!. If you get a little better every day, think where you will be in 10 years!